On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
