yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
