puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
