How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
