508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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