I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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