If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
