yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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