yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
