he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
