Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
