You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
