took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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