Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
