Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
