Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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