No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
