Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
