It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
