im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your penis caused this!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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