well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
