Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
