She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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