I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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