We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
