the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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