where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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