Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
smell my finger.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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