walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
