Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
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At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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