Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
