so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
