in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
