Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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