So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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