So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
