I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
time to smoke my breakfast
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
