How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
