I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
