the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
