Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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