Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
