i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
