i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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