On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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