How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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