Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
