K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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