She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
