The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
