just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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