I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
