So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
