By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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