She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
