he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
