Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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