well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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