i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
