Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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