You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
