is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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