just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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