I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
