Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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