if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
