she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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