he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize