I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
