It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
