I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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