apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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