Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
