the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
