I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
